Tuesday, March 23, 2010

What do you live for?

I just came back from a THV event that left me with a few things to think about. One of the speakers made a very good point, one that I think has been made to me many times before, but for some reason I resonated with especially closely tonight. The point?

Life goes on.

What he meant by that, more so then get over things that bog you down, was that life really does go on. It can't be put on "pause" no matter how much we hope that it can. It doesn't stop for us to do what we need to do and then continue when we're ready; it just goes on. That resonated especially deeply tonight because these past couple of months, I've found myself precisely trying to do just that. I've been putting my life on "pause" so that I can try and get all of my ducks lined in a row for my future. When will I take the MCATs? What will I do for the summer? Where will I apply to medical school? Study, study, study... all the while, neglecting life. Surely, all of these questions need to be asked at some point and they definitely will require thought and planning. But I've realized that I've created an unhealthy obsession with accomplishing what I need to accomplish and in the midst of all that, I've lost sight of what I live for.

I had a conversation with my physics professor the other day. She had mentioned that she wanted to go skiing with her husband over the spring break. When I saw her next, I asked her if she was able to go. And surely enough, no, she said, but maybe after the kids go off to college. Then I asked her if life slows down after college, to which she applied an immediate, "Absolutely not; it just gets busier."

At this present time in my life, I have never experienced more busyness than I am currently experiencing. I can't even begin to imagine what things would be like if I were even more busy. Is that even possible? Sure it is. I shouldn't be surprised to find that life gets more and more busy. I should probably be surprised if I find that life isn't getting more busy. With that in mind, something needs to change in my own life. I can't keep putting my life on "pause." I can't keep putting what's important to me in life on the back burner. I can't keep telling myself that I will dive more deeply into the important things, once I get these other things finished. Because surely, if I continue to live the way I'm living, I'll find myself (God-willing) many years later, having lived life in an unending pause. I'll find myself having constantly put all of the important and meaningful things aside, to accomplish and acquire all the practical and pragmatic things I "needed" to do in order to do the important and meaningful.

Basically, I'll find myself with a life that I never got to live.

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